Musician's Heart

It must be my musician’s heart…
I guess you never understood it.
You never understood the cryptography of my feelings —
Cryptography deciphered through art, yet you never got it.
You managed to punish me with your sameness,
Stripping away all the clefs of life from me!

I left because you never offered me heady rhythms
That made me want to dance.
And the greatest indignation comes more
From all the lost art —
From the stagnation of your empty satisfaction.

The lack of dreams was hateful; nothing was subjective anymore!
How could I sing the praises of someone who doesn’t understand what I write?
An illiterate of me,
Who never understood my musician’s heart.

Life became too clear,
With nothing left to try and figure out.
Everything became so boring;
My vocabulary grew poor.
Nothing in me rhymed anymore.
My offbeats became poorly marked.
I was invalidated from my own art.
Without art, there was no “me,” so I ceased to exist.

Wasn’t it possible to have a small crack in your unbearable linearity?
Was it really impossible to throw away your stupid math for a moment
And pay more attention to my Portuguese?

Pictures with happy smiles and sad eyes,
Until I got tired of that same face walking across my own every day.
I spent so long suffocated, outside of myself, that now I return in a rush —
I knocked the door down with my chest.
Let me go!!!
I’ve always gone wherever I wanted.

There’s so much more you never knew about a musician’s heart.
It was never possible to endure something for convenience.
I can’t do that to myself —
As if I were alone.
I will always have music.

I will always have myself.

Life screams,
And its scream is far louder than the mark your butt left on the couch while watching TV.
It’s much stronger than your ego could ever foresee.

And now I’m killing the longing for my ethereal nights,
Swallowing clouds of calm.
I feel an immense urge to smile all the time —
Sober or drunk.

Now I’ll play tambours,
Write about love!
About those who admire and inspire us,
And about those who will never, ever,
Understand the heart of a musician.