How to trust in love again?

Solitude

Nigredo 

I talk to my solitude in a low voice,
I cradle her, I carry her with me.
On a sidewalk, or even surrounded by people,
She is always a refuge.
I remember of your tears revealed
By the acid of my presence.
I remember your most complete innocence.
I realize, then, that the void completes us.

I see my solitude wanting to leave,
And I also see myself chaining her.
I open my eyes to my selfishness,
Yet, it’s still hard to forget her...

She begged earnestly
And said it would be better this way.
She also said that if one day I suffer,
She will return to me,
But for now, it’s time to let her go.

A few little things in my daily life make me smile:
The water of the river passing over my feet,
An enchanting note of a song,
The cool floor of my home against my back.
But none of this would make sense
If she were not with me.

If I send her away,
I know that perhaps that deep sense of joy will resurface,
But after much digging, I will notice
The shallowness in my soul again.

Sometimes I think she is right.
And I then think about my future husband.
And so, beyond love, desire grows.
But this being is already mature
And does not spill his sweetness just anywhere.
And in my habitat dwell only those
Who also know how to migrate, but still,
Choose to stay.

I no longer know what awaits me.
I have learned to live with her.
But if love means freeing myself from her,
If letting her go means finding love,
May I find love in freedom.
May I know how to let go of those
Who do not know how to love.